In the year 2012, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in
America and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing, along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later…
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about
to start the rain! Where is the Ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah,
"but things have changed."
"I needed a Building Permit and I've been arguing with the Boat
Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system." "My neighbors claim that I've violated
the neighborhood by-laws by building the Ark in my back yard and exceeding the
height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a
decision."
"Then
the local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a load of money for the
future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear
the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be
coming to us, but they would hear none of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on
cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl." "I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to
court. They insisted that I was
confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."
confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."
"Then the Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn't build
the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed
flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human
Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building
crew." "The Immigration Dept.
is checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work." "The trade unions say I can't use my
sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building
experience."
"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered
species." "So, forgive me,
Lord, but it would take at least 10
Years for me to finish this Ark." "Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
Years for me to finish this Ark." "Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder
and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world? "No," said the Lord. "The Government beat me to
it."
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