I was 21 years, had an 11 month old child, a good job and loyal friends – Yet, I was suicidal. Below is a poem that I wrote on August 12, 1987 (Twelve years before I was diagnosed Bi Polar.):
The Cure
If I could get past the confusion
To the depths of my mind
Past the lies and delusions
What would I find?
I’d find a lonely, scared child
Just longing for love
A young spirit sailing
On the wings of a dove
I’d find out the reason
I can’t be my own friend
I’d find the source of my pain
And I’d make it end
Death is inviting
When feel so unsure
It’s the only solution
The only real cure
Who can you turn to
To open up your heart?
How can you tell them
When you’re falling apart?
You want their acceptance
To show them that you’re strong
But peace and tranquility
Just won’t come along
It has to get better
Yes, that’s what I thought
But deeper in confusion
I seem to get caught
I wanted answers so much back then! I wanted to know the SOURCE to my pain. I'm so blessed that God gave me the strength to hold on until I found out the reason for my agony. Not only did God educate me – He placed people in my life that I needed to guide me on my road to recovery. My life may never be what others consider “normal”, but I feel fortunate to be able to live with my “normal”.
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