“Just Chillaxin’”

As I was lying on the couch today, “chillaxin’” as the kids call it (chillin’ and relaxin’), snuggled under a light cover, the windows open… allowing a slight fall breeze to flow through the house – my two furry babies fast asleep by my side (occasionally snorting and snoring), I was reminded of a conversation I had with a friend of mine earlier in the year.

This friend of mine and I both volunteer for an animal welfare organization, and we were talking about how wonderful it is how often dogs are rescued from local shelters and later trained to become service animals. She then told me something really amazing… something that I had never heard before.

She, like I, suffers from depression. However, she chose not to use traditional medications to treat her depression. Instead she is using natural remedies to manage her disease. While I knew this information, I found the following very fascinating: Her doctor has “prescribed” her dog (a small breed mutt) as her service animal.

Because she gets very anxious and agitated, and she draws comfort from the familiarity of her beloved furry baby, she is allowed to take him out with her, in public settings, anywhere any other service animal would be allowed to go. If it were not for the creativity of this doctor, my friend would very likely be a prisoner in her own home during the times she needs to be out and around other people the most.

Now, she told me she gets very skeptical looks from a lot of people and is questioned from time to time – most times being asked to show her credentials before being allowed to bring her canine into a facility. But once she shows her certification, she isn’t turned away. Heck, I can understand people being uncertain about the situation.

I’ve written many times about the taboo of mental illness. I’m sure even though proprietors accept her paperwork that some still don’t understand her situation. But, I’m glad that her doctor was open minded enough to try something different so that just one more person with this disease called depression can live her life a bit more like other folks. KUDOS!

A Secret Place

When I was a young girl, my favorite “secret” place to play was my grandfather’s woods. He had a creek that ran through his property and I would go there, take off my shoes and socks, and tip toe over the mossy creek rock for hours. I would watch the crawdads and water-bugs doing what they were made to do. It seemed so easy to get caught up in my own solitude… no thoughts running through my mind; no worries burdening my soul. I felt carefree.

Those days are precious to me and they remain locked securely in the banks of my mind. I often wish I could go back to that place and be that carefree girl, if just for a moment… the water running over my toes and the sun shining on my face.

But, I’m older now and sticky spider webs freak me out – snakes, too! The thought of traipsing through those woods - to get to that creek - both physically and mentally exhausts me. So, I thank God for the memories He has blessed me with of those days of old and for the new “secret” place He allowed me stumble upon. I pray He has shown you yours, as well. If not, allow Him the opportunity. You’d be amazed the blessings that will follow.

Strength

My son just turned 24 a little over a week ago. Even though he is an adult and has a child of his own, a job he really loves, and plans on going to college soon – I worry about him constantly.

A friend of mine has a son that will be turning 18 this week. He is lying in a hospital bed – he’s been in an assisted living facility for several years now. He does get out of that bed long enough to be pushed around in his custom made wheel chair. A chair his mother fought for… the same mother that has fought nurses and doctors and legislators regarding the care of her son. She worries about her son constantly, also.

When I think about them, I know that my concerns are so much less than hers. But still at that same time – they’re mine. I love my son as much as she loves hers. However, I draw strength from what she’s been through. Would I be able to tackle the hurdles that she has already faced over the last several years? I hope so. I’m sure with God I could… I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me (Phil 4:13). But I thank God that I haven’t been put in that situation.

I look to my friend for strength when I feel discouraged. I don’t know if she’s realized that a lot of mothers probably do that. She is a great example of God’s love and patience and strength. She may feel at times that she has been given a heavy burden to bear, but I hope she also realizes that God is using her in another capacity too… as a pillar of inspiration to me and others. Thanks Be to God!

My "God and Me" Day

Woke up this morning and decided to have a “God and me” day. Grabbed a lunch, my camera and computer, and headed to the nearby nature preserve. What a wonderful day. I felt compelled to share.

The Beginning of the End

When I was a junior in high school, I took a composition class. The very first day we were given the following assignment: Write an essay titled “The Beginning of the End”. I couldn’t wrap my head around that idea. What the heck did that even mean? Even after the teacher explained what she expected out of the paper, I just didn’t get it! So I did the only mature thing I could think of to do. I got myself transferred out of that class!

Well, sitting here twenty seven years later it all makes perfect sense to me. What changed? Life happened! Between then and now there have been so many “beginning to ends” in my life... Senior year was the beginning to the end of my high school career. Marriage was the beginning to the end of my single life. My pregnancy was the beginning to the end of my life as I knew it! And on and on.

But, when I was in high school, I didn’t understand the assignment and so, like I said, I just walked away. I didn’t want to do that paper incorrectly and make a fool of myself. I was way too cool for that! The alternative was much easier. You know what, though? I think if I would have allowed myself to stay in that class I would have enjoyed it. I like writing. I enjoyed Composition in College!

Sometimes we hold ourselves back out of fear OR low self-esteem OR some other worry. I have learned that I shouldn’t worry what other people think of me – only God will judge me when it counts. I have learned that the more I put myself in uncomfortable situations, the more I will become comfortable. I have learned I’m not too cool for pretty much anything… LOL.

I still get scared, frustrated and weak in the knees when I do something that's "out of the box" for me. But, I'll give it a try instead of just give up and walk away. I may fail... but I'll go down swinging. And I can live with that.

Thought for the Day

Sadness leaves us behind...
Anger traps us...
Laughter helps us move forward...

Author Unknown

Telling the Past

Granma and Granpa wanted me to know of the past, for “If ye don’t know the past, then ye will not have a future. If ye don’t know where your people have been, then ye won’t know where your people are going.” And so they told me most of it.
The Education of Little Tree by Forrest Carter

In today’s society, genealogy is THE fad. Everyone wants to know where they came from. But is that really the truth? Do they really want to know WHERE they came from or just WHO they came from? To really know where we came from we must know the triumphs and struggles of our ancestors – not just their names.

I want my granddaughter to know where she came from. If she does, maybe she’ll understand why I feel so passionate about certain things. I feel my past has made me who I am today. But how do you teach them about the past? Be creative. For instance, I have a small pair of praying hands on the bookcase in my living room that was made by an Indian Chief in North Carolina. The Indian Chief made this small sculpture - and others like it - as a means to support his family. I was drawn to it because it reminded me of my paternal grandmother. She was of Indian lineage. That pair of praying hands will be a great “hands on” tool to use when telling my granddaughter about her great-great grandmother.

I also have a book that displays stories, pictures, and important dates about my family, my husband’s family, and my son’s father’s family. This book will prove to be a valuable asset to my son and granddaughter when I’m long gone. In addition, I’ve completed a “List Yourself” book that has given me an opportunity to write a lot of stories about my life. I’ve secured this book for my son upon my death. Plus, I believe this blog provides information for my family about me.

For some reason, I am comfortable when I write on these pages. Most times, I feel pushed by a power I can’t explain - I can only describe it as a stirring in my heart. I hope my words touch your heart as well.

Testing God

I was listening to my trusty talk radio the other day and I heard something that puzzled me. A guest on the show simply stated that something happened in her life that caused her to question God’s actions - not her belief or faith in Him - just His actions. The host of the show immediately relied, “First of all, we should never question God”, and then she continued on with the remainder of her comment.

I guess I personally disagree with the comment the host of the show made regarding our “right” to question our Creator. Even King David questioned God when his men weren’t happy with the strategy he gave them in a time of battle. Did David inquire of God a second time hoping for a different answer or for clarification?

1 Samuel 23: 1 When David was told, "Look, the Philistines are fighting against Keilah and are looting the threshing floors," 2 he inquired of the LORD, saying, "Shall I go and attack these Philistines?"
The LORD answered him, "Go, attack the Philistines and save Keilah." 3 But David's men said to him, "Here in Judah we are afraid. How much more, then, if we go to Keilah against the Philistine forces!" 4 Once again David inquired of the LORD, and the LORD answered him, "Go down to Keilah, for I am going to give the Philistines into your hand."

Many times I have asked God what His will is in my life. I’ve felt the direction He wants me to go… I’ve heard the answer in my heart. Yet, I’ve gone to Him again because I wanted to be sure. I wanted to be absolutely certain it was His will and not my own that I was following.

Other times, when hurt and heartache have made their way into my life, I have questioned God as to why these things are happening. I am only human. Even on the cross, Jesus felt that confusion. Because when He was here on earth, He was HUMAN while He was holy.

Matthew 27:46 About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"—which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

I believe that God is big enough to handle our insecurities and that through them He will hold us in His loving embrace. Of course, He hasn’t forsaken us and He is with us always. In my painful moments, like my battle with depression or suffering with my physical disabilities, I feel He's even closer to me. Thanks Be to God!

Social Connections

A Link to Good Health

Think for a moment about the things you can do to improve your health. Diet and exercise likely come to mind, but what about your social support? Having several types of social support in your life is important. And the larger and more varied your social network, the better. A robust social network offers a variety of relationships, all of which can add something unique to your life. Research shows that a strong social network of people you trust and can depend on provides people to help when you need it. But it also offers emotional support, an important part of your quality of life.

Review these benefits of social support – they may inspire you to enhance your support system.

Cope better with life’s challenges. People who have frequent contact with both family and friends report having fewer depressive symptoms. This may be because a strong social network can help you cope with difficult situations.

Relieve Stress. Research suggests that people who feel a sense of belonging to a neighborhood or community have less stress. In one study, nearly all participants reported that having close relationships helped them relieve stress.

Live longer. In one study, researchers found that strong social networks may even help people live longer.

Enhance your physical health. Research suggests that the stronger your social support system, the better your health. In one study, older people who had relationships outside their family felt healthier.

Improve your emotional health. People with strong social networks tend to be happier, have better self-esteem, feel more loved and accepted, and experience more positive emotions.


Article copied from:
Mayo Clinic - Embody Health Newsletter - September 2010 (Provided compliments of Aviva)
www.mayoclinic.org/www.avivausa.com

Why Me?

John 9:2 His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"

I have a mental illness. Is it my fault? Is it my mother’s fault? How about my father’s fault? Or did it just happen? Why, out of all of the people in the world, do I have Bi Polar Disorder? What did my ancestor’s do to bring this horrible disgrace on me? (I hope you realize that last line was sarcasm.) When the disciples asked Jesus the above question, in the 15th year of Tiberius' reign, it wasn’t uncommon for people to think that if you had some type of deformity that it had to be brought on you by sin.

John 9:3 "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.

Does this mean that God is going to heal EVERYONE to show that He is great and mighty? We would go out into the world and shout His glory then, wouldn’t we? Well, unfortunately, the answer is no - everyone in the world is not going to be healed of all their ailments. So what does John 9:3 mean? Can we love and worship and surrender our lives to a God that allows us to suffer? I believe that most times that is the greatest testimony to God.

But that leads me to another question: Is it really God that is allowing the suffering? So often, the pain we live with on a daily basis is not pain that God “allowed”. It is pain that is a consequence of human action. He gave us free will and we must live with the consequences of that free will… the consequences of our actions and the actions of others around us.

I have a mental illness and it’s not anyone’s fault. I’m grateful that God has placed me where I am today because I feel I’m doing my ministry everyday here on these pages. Just one person. That’s all I need to reach. Hopefully more. God will put them on this path. I believe that. John 9:3 says so.

Watch…

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

A Feeling of Worth

“Granpa said if a hound or anybody else has got no feeling of worth, then it’s a bad thing.”
The Education of Little Tree by Forrest Carter


When I was a little girl, I pretty much lived in my Peppaw’s shadow. As far as I was concerned, the sun rose and set wherever he was. I think he felt the same about me. Now, I couldn’t tell that by the words he spoke because he was a man of few words. But, his actions pretty much gave him away.

Year round my Peppaw worked in his shop. (Well, that really isn’t the truth – he really just “messed around” in his shop… most days just to hide out from Granny.) The summer I was probably seven or eight years old, I spent a lot of time with Peppaw in that shop, too.

Every morning, by the time I finished with my breakfast,got my play clothes on and made my way down the road to his house, he was already in that shop. And I wanted to help him with whatever he was “working” on each day.

His shop had some sort of machine it – I don’t know what it was – and I remember one day he told me that he needed spark plugs to make it work. He said that he thought he saw a couple of spark plugs out in the yard just the other day, and if I found three spark plugs, he would give me a penny for each one.

Well, it took me quite a while, but I found those spark plugs. I was so excited because I found what Peppaw needed. We were going to be able to “fix” whatever he was working on, and I was even going to get some money.

The very next day, the same exact thing happened… and the day after that… and the day after that. It never dawned on me to question the number of spark plugs that machine used – or how many spark plugs Peppaw and Granny had in their yard. I just loved being included in a project with the most important person in my life that summer.

I know now that Peppaw could’ve bored pretty quickly with having a snotty-nosed kid hanging around day after day. He could’ve sent me right back home and spent the day in peace. But what did he do? He gave me a very important "job" that I could do to help him with his "work". He gave me a feeling of worth.

Peppaw was a poor man, but he filled my life with riches beyond measure.

Thought for the Day

If God had a refrigerator; your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet; your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning.
Face it, friend - He is crazy about you!

Author Unknown

A Fly on the Wall

I was in a neighborhood fast food restaurant bathroom the other day, when I saw a fly just hanging around on the wall. It reminded me of the old saying, “I’d give anything to be a fly on the wall". Well, I literally started laughing out loud – I couldn’t help it.

It seems I’ve said that saying a million times. It’s the perfect anecdote when something juicy has happened somewhere and YOU JUST KNEW somebody was gonna get "IT" when they home. (Well, “I’d give anything to be a fly on the wall when they get home to hear what she says to him!”)

Anyway, I couldn’t stop giggling because I couldn’t get the following thought out of my head: What if that saying is true and this old fly is really “somebody” hanging around on the wall waiting for some juicy gossip about someone? If anybody had entered the restroom at that particular moment they would have thought I’d lost my mind. Who knows - Maybe I did!

But, it got me to thinking – What if we were to live our lives, all the time, like we did have “a fly on our wall”? Would we treat our family members differently? Would we guard our words and actions? Would the lives we live within the privacy of our homes change?

I know I NEED the comfort of knowing that I can totally “be myself" once I enter the sanctity of my home. But that doesn’t give me an automatic license to be insincere, rude, unkind or unfeeling to others in my home to gain that freedom. Have you ever said or done something to your spouse or children, only to think to yourself later – “I can’t believe that was me!”?

I try to measure my words to family members this way… would I say that to dear friend? Isn’t that what a family member is – or at least should be - a dear friend? I’m not saying I’m always successful… after all, I’m only human. But that’s my goal. Cause I never know where those darn flies are – lol.

Photo - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Focus_stacking_Tachinid_fly.jpg

The Pencil Maker

A PENCIL MAKER TOLD THE PENCIL 5 IMPORTANT LESSONS JUST BEFORE PUTTING IT IN THE BOX

1.) EVERYTHING YOU DO WILL ALWAYS LEAVE A MARK.

2.) YOU CAN ALWAYS CORRECT THE MISTAKES YOU MAKE.

3.) WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS WHAT IS INSIDE OF YOU.

4.) IN LIFE, YOU WILL UNDERGO PAINFUL SHARPENINGS,
WHICH WILL ONLY MAKE YOU BETTER.

5.) TO BE THE BEST PENCIL, YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF
TO BE HELD AND GUIDED BY THE HAND THAT HOLDS YOU.


We all need to be constantly sharpened. This parable may encourage you to know that you are a special person, with unique God-given talents and abilities. Only you can fulfill the purpose of which you were born to accomplish. Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot be changed and, like the pencil, always remember that the most important part of who you ARE, is what's inside of you.

Author Unknown

The above photo was sent to me in an email. The artist is Dalton Getty, who is a 45-year-old resident of Bridgeport who turns ordinary pencils into miniature sculptures. Isn't is beautiful?

In the Darkness

Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. 3And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. 4And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness. 5And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

I find comfort knowing that God is in the “light” and the “darkness”. He must be – He created both. When we are experiencing good and bad (dark) times, He is with us. He never leaves us. When OUR actions create our dark times, we sometimes can't comprehend that He will continue to love us despite those transgressions. We just need to turn our lives back around to face His light (His love) and He will welcome us into His arms. He never shuts us out - we are the ones that walked away from Him.

The same holds true when the darkness we find ourselves in is through no fault of our own. God is there during those times, too. He is there to embrace us… to wrap us in His loving arms… to offer a peace beyond all understanding. God is there to bring us back into the Light – Because He loves us!

Matthew 10:29-31
"What's the price of a pet canary? Some loose change, right? And God cares what happens to it even more than you do. He pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail—even numbering the hairs on your head! So don't be intimidated by all this bully talk. You're worth more than a million canaries."


Jeremiah 1:5
Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the LIGHT of day, I had holy plans for you...

Photo - http://www.expres-eu.org/iya2009/day_night.jpg

Hey, that’s my sister!

When my sister and I were younger, we fought (as the saying goes) like cats and dogs. We had a love-hate kind of relationship... We loved each other and hated to admit it to anyone. I’m sure we about drove my mother crazy.

We lived in a rural area, and in the summer we had to count on ourselves to create whatever fun we had. Many of my days were spent swinging from grapevines in the woods or wading in the creek looking for crawdads on my grandfather’s property. As you can tell, I was a full-fledged tomboy – my sister definitely was not! We were as different as two girls could be.

Anyway, when we were in high school, one day my sister came home from school with a black eye. Now, during those years, we did the best we could to pretend we weren’t even related, much less sisters. But when I saw her that day, I was furious! How could someone do that to her? The next day at school I decided to confront the girl that was responsible. Nobody was gonna be mean to my sister!

I don’t remember what happened that day at school. What I do remember, though, is that when I got off the bus that afternoon and my sister asked me about what happened between me & "the other girl", I down-played my actions. Heck, I didn’t want her thinking I was going soft by protecting her.

Well, we’re grownups now and I’ve learned some valuable lessons along the way on this ride called life. One being carried over from that day at school… when it seems the world is against you – there’s nothing like a sister to have your back. I don't where I'd be today without her. She's had mine numerous times during my bouts with depressions over the years.

Today, I’ll proudly tell the world– “Hey, that’s my sister!”

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't
speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone
who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone
who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went
too early to heaven.

Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who
walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the
unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

Author Unknown


Photo - www.worldofstock.com/

Learning Styles

When I was a little girl, I liked to take things apart to find out how they worked. Sometimes when I put them back together they didn’t work again, but most times they did. I’m not sure how I knew to put “this” piece here and “that” piece there in order to make everything go back just so-so; but with patience, everything seemed to fit back into its plastic house when the screws were placed into their slots.

I’ve heard that people can be broken into one of three types of learners: Visual, Auditory, and Kinesthetic. What does each of these learning categories mean to us?

Visual learners have a sharp, clear picture of an experience. They may say, “Can you see what I am saying?” Visuals complain Auditories don't pay attention to them because they don't make eye contact.*

Auditory learners identify sounds related to an experience. They may say, “This sounds good.” Auditories complain Kinesthetics don't listen.*

Kinesthetic learners develop a strong feeling towards an experience. They may say, “Are you in touch with what I am saying?” Kinesthetics complain Auditory and visual people are insensitive.*

I guess I would be a mixture of all these types, while leaning more toward the kinesthetic. Wouldn’t do me any good to sit in a classroom and have someone lecture to me for hours. I can’t even sit in church on Sunday morning without taking notes during the sermon. I must “touch” (by writing my thoughts in my own words in my journal), “listen” (by hearing the words of the preacher), and “see” (by reading along in my Bible), to truly be touched by the message every week.

I cannot be placed in one box with my learning style or any other thing. I never have been able too. I think if I forced myself to conform into something that I am not, I would miss out on so much in this world. I would not be able to experience all that God has created for me and you.

I am a creature of God. I have accepted who I am. My limitations… my gifts. Thanks be to God!

*Taken from Understanding and Identifying Auditory, Visual and Kinesthetic Learning Styles

Photo - serc.carleton.edu/images/NAGTWorkshops/earlycareer/teaching/learning_styles.jpg

… with a little help from my friends

Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.
- Anonymous

Do not protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends.
- Czech Proverb

Be patient with your enemies and forgiving of your friends.
- Afghan Proverb

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
- Walter Winchell

The time to make friends is before you need them.
- Traditional Proverb

A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.
- Fr. Jerome Cummings

Friendship doubles joy and halves grief.
- Egyptian Proverb

Photo - tinypic.com

Reflections

Well, 9/11 is once again upon us and this year has promised to bring even more conflict for each one of us to reflect upon. Several things have happened in the last several weeks/months that have seemed to outrage many people. People, like you and I, have wounds still fresh from September 11, 2001. It sometimes feels impossible to believe that nine years has passed since that horrific day when men, women, religions, and countries stood against each other. The actions carried out that day forcing so many others together to seek comfort in the chaos.

Now, nine years later, we are again faced with issues that threaten the harmony and peace – the very essence of safety – that we’ve managed to build in our minds. Something is threatening the comfort that has gotten us where we are today. Anger is escalating. Why?

Because just two blocks north of the former World Trade Center site, Muslim worshipers plan to turn the old Burlington Coat Factory into a major Islamic cultural center, including a Mosque, and that outrages a lot of people. Just down the street from this site is the Museum of Jewish Heritage, which honors victims of the Holocaust. Plus, right around the corner is New York's oldest Catholic house of worship, St. Peter's Church. So, why are people having a problem with a Muslim Mosque coming into the neighborhood?

Well, here are two reasons that some people are giving:
Muslim terrorists murdered over 2,700 people in the name of Allah on Sept. 11, 2001.
This Muslim Mosque will be located just two blocks away from the site of those deaths (aka Ground Zero).

Maybe these reasons, and perhaps others, are what got Pastor Terry Jones “ready for battle” recently. Pastor Jones, and his congregation of 50 at The Dove World Outreach Center, originally planned on burning the Holy Word of the Muslims - The Qur’an (Koran)- on Saturday, September 11, 2010, as a protest to the building of the Mosque in NY. When I began writing this post, he publicly announced that he no longer will be following through with this demonstration (coincidentally after he received a call from the Defense Secretary). Instead, Pastor Jones stated that he would be meeting with Imam Muhammad Musri for a face to face discussion. Then, after finding out that his demands would not be met (basically the Mosque was still going to be built), Pastor Jones,said the bonfire of "sacred texts" was simply “suspended.”

We are not capable of knowing what is in the hearts of the group planning to build the Mosque in New York or what their true intentions are with their building plans, but we do know the following:

Two religions are represented in this conflict: One group claiming allegiance to Allah and the other to God.
Two radical actions (have been or plan to be taken): One on 9/11/01 and One possibly on 9/11/10; One involving Islamic terrorists / One involving a misguided Pastor; Both historically changing 9/11 forever.
Neither action represents Love… which is what Allah and God are all about.

DOWN IS NOT DEFEATED!

The cracks in the sidewalk are just reminders that you can fall apart no matter how strong you are. – Author Unknown

I’ve been “down” today. But when I look back from where I’ve come, I realize:
DOWN IS NOT DEFEATED!

I wrote this poem right before I was admitted into a psychiatric hospital in 1999… At that time I was diagnosed Bi Polar and was started on medication for mood stabilization. I believe that period was God’s answer to my cries in this poem.

When You look into my eyes, who do You see?
If You look past the confusion deep enough You would see me
You’d see that I am funny, I am lonely, I am sad
You’d see that I am loving but self centered, sometimes bad
You’d see that I am frightened not sure just what to do
You’d see that I am strong but still in need of You
When You look into my eyes what do You see?
Do You see the anger harboring consuming most of me?
Do You see that I am fragile just barely hanging on?
Do You see that I’m a loser even when I’ve won?
Do You see that I’m reflective of what I want to be?
Do You see that I’m not happy when I look at me?
I’m asking now look at me deep inside my heart
And far beyond you will find the most hurtful part
Remove that part and make me whole as only You can do
So when someone looks at me what they see is You.

Integrity

I heard a story on the radio yesterday…

Seems there was this young man that had been corresponding by mail or computer (not sure which – I caught the story somewhere in the middle) with this woman, Holly, for several months. Anyway, the time had come for this couple to finally meet. The man was extremely excited because he and Holly had a lot in common and had developed a deep friendship with each other.
Since they had never seen each other and had no idea what the other person looked like, they agreed on a plan as to how to recognize each other. He would be carrying his favorite book and she would have a red rose pinned to her lapel. With that in order, he went to the train station the morning of their meeting and waited for her train to arrive.

As he watched the trains come and go, he thought about all the possibilities of this meeting. Finally the train came and he watched the passengers debark. A beautiful woman exited the train, in a lovely green dress and she walked directly to him. Their eyes locked. He felt the spark between them immediately. She whispered, “Hey soldier, up for a good time?” When he realized there was no red rose on her lapel he was devastated.

She continued walking. He turned and watched her go, thinking to himself that he could follow her. He knew that he and Holly had the foundation for a wonderful friendship but he didn’t know if it would develop into anything else. Here was a vibrant woman wanting to go out with him. But he knew in his heart that Holly would also be devastated if she got off the train and he wasn’t there waiting for her. So, he waited.

The last passenger off the train was a woman, with a red rose in her lapel, about 30 years older than he was. He walked up to her and offered his hand. “Hi, Holly, it’s great to finally meet you.” She replied, “I’m not sure what’s going on, son. But a young girl in a green dress gave me this rose and said if you came up to me to tell you this was a test of sorts and for you to meet her across the street at the diner.”

Integrity - adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

What a great story!

The Sun Rising

It takes my breath away
The sun rising
He gave the light to day
Because of His love

(And) it takes my breath away
The Son rising
Because it reveals
The depth of His love

I can face tomorrow
With His hand to guide me
(Because) it takes my breath away
His redeeming love



Photo - en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Phoenix_sunrise.jpg

Rural Route 2

When I was little, we had a mail lady that delivered the mail to the little blue box at the end of our yard everyday about 1:30pm. I’d run outside and grab the mail from our box to see if anything was for me. All our envelopes in that box at that time were addressed to RR2 Box 79. It wasn’t until I was probably 16 or 17 that we actually had a true street address.

Anyway, when I was young, I would look though the TV Guide and other various magazines for offers of free stuff/samples to be sent to our home. I’d sign up for everything (like free stamp collections, etc) because I wanted to have mail specifically addressed to me come in that blue mailbox. (Thankfully, my mom never discouraged me from doing this.) It made me feel important to get something in that box. A lot of people, at least three by my calculations, had to be THINKING about ME during each packages travels. First of all, someone had to write my name on the packing slips. Secondly, someone had to place the envelopes in the bag at the post office. Lastly, the mail lady had to carry it all the way to our house to give it to me. I would imagine that she was thinking about me throughout her whole route those days and how excited I was going to be to get my package. In reality she probably wasn’t even aware I had anything in her car until she got to our house.

When my son became old enough to realize what mail was, I was determined to make sure that I sent him mail occasionally. Same holds true for my granddaughter. Plus, my mom bought my granddaughter a subscription to a wonderful animal magazine that she receives at our house. I honestly believe it has helped promote her self esteem. Her eyes light up anytime she receives mail! There are so many small things we can do in life to show children that we care about them… to show them that they are important to us.

My husband and I just spent the weekend at a family camp this weekend with our granddaughter. Both her parents were scheduled to work and it was important to us that she still be able to attend. The moments we shared on this trip are priceless to me. But the important thing is - I know with every ounce of my being - I can show my granddaughter that she is precious and important to me (and God) whether we are at a family camp, at our mailbox or just sitting in our living room. And I think that is extremely important in every child’s life.


Photo - www.coblemetalworks.com/

Thought for today…..

Butterfly ~ fights to survive and after a painful transition, becomes more beautiful and vibrant than ever. Learn from pain and come back even better!

The Knots Prayer

Dear God,
Please unite the knots in my mind,
my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots,
the can nots and the do nots
that I have in my mind.

Erase the will nots
may nots and
might nots that may
find a home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots,
would not and should nots,
that obstruct my life.

And most of all,
Dear God,
I ask that you remove from my mind,
my heart and my life all of the "am nots"
that I have allowed to hold me back.
Especially the thought that I am not
good enough.

Author Unknown


Thanks Moma for forwarding this to me! I love you!

This is an amazing testimony….

Life is not the amount of Breaths you Take. It's the Moments that Take your Breath Away. ~ Alex Hitchins (aka Hitch)


Mine include:

the birth of my son
the death of my grandmother
the first time i saw my granddaughter
the first time my husband told me i was beautiful
my baptism
the day my sister and i made a scrapbook for my mother

Take some time to cherish your moments....

Conversions

There’s a story in the Bible about a “conversion” of a man called Saul (New Testament not Old). Saul was an angry man and an extreme persecutor of Christians. One day he was traveling to Damascus. He was going there to arrest any Christians that were there in the synagogues. On route, a bright light suddenly shone down from Heaven on Saul and he fell to the ground. In a loud voice, Jesus confronted him saying, “Saul, why do you persecute me?” Then, Jesus instructed him to continue on his way to Damascus. He told him that once he arrived in Damascus, he would be told what to do. When Saul got up, he was blind! He remained blind for three days. That whole time he didn’t have anything to eat or drink. He even had to be lead by the hand into the city. In the meanwhile, God told a man named Ananias (in a dream) that he should go see Saul. Ananias found Saul and healed him. Then, he told him to be baptized to wash away his sins. After this, Saul truly repented for the things he had done in his life. He began to live for Christ! He even went as far as changing his name to Paul, and spent the rest of his life teaching people about Jesus. (He ultimately encouraged all followers of Christ to think correctly about themselves -Romans 12:3, to think correctly about other believers-Romans 12:4-5, and to think correctly about spiritual gifts-Romans 12:6-8.*) Paul, the apostle, who at one time was an extreme persecutor of Christians, suffered many persecutions himself.

When I read this story about Paul, I often reflect on my baptism (my 2nd) in January 2000. I had gone through so much with my disease, especially in 1999, that with my baptism I felt like a different person.

Then, in 2009, I received notification of my 25th High School Reunion. I did NOT want to attend! I was NOT the same person I was in high school. Not only did I go through the normal high school rebellions – but I started noticing the beginnings of my Bi Polar illness around the same time puberty started. As a result, I did a lot of stupid, stupid things in high school. I felt so much confusion during those years. I can honestly say I even had a hatred for myself. I wanted so much to just disappear. Many times I thought about suicide but I was afraid….afraid of death, afraid of dying, afraid of not succeeding – so many things. Anyway, because of all the things I wanted to forget about high school, I just couldn’t face my former classmates at that reunion.

And then a funny thing happened…. I joined Facebook (a social network on the internet). It amazed me how many people from high school contacted me and wanted to be “friends” with me. They didn’t remember me the way I remembered me! One person even sent me a private message saying that I made a difference in their life in high school. I couldn’t imagine how that could possibly be. I can’t say that I began to wish I had gone to the reunion – that would be a lie. But I am glad for the circle of friends that I have allowed back into my life – or should I say that has allowed me back into their lives. And I thank God nearly every day for “My Conversion” from that scared little girl in high school.

* How a Renewed Mind Thinks Part 1 - Insight for Living with Chuck Swindoll - Wednesday, Aug 25, 2010 Romans 12: 3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his[a]faith. 7If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.