A Participant in My Recovery

Maybe It’s a good time to talk a little bit about my husband (aka former boss). For 10 years, this man saw me through my high times, my low times, my “completely out of my mind times” and was always there – in his office – willing to listen to my rambling, crying, confusing confessions and fears. He was the one friend in my life that I knew I could tell ANYTHING to and he wouldn’t judge me or ridicule me. I totally felt he had my back throughout those years.
In 1999, when I was at the lowest, weakest point in my life, HE called my sister and the two of them made sure I got to the doctor. He made sure I got the time I needed off work to focus on my recovery.
In 2002, when both of our marriages had ended, that friendship developed into something more. Because of the relationship I have with my husband, a relationship that started with friendship and grew into love – a relationship that I can be completely honest with about my disease – I feel I have made more progress with this illness in the last 8 years than I have in my entire life. I have also surrounded myself with friends that accept my disease – that accept when I’m “cycling” and I don’t want to be with people. I talk to my family now instead of thinking of them as “the enemy.” AND I have decided to forgive my father (now deceased) for his past transgressions. In other words, I have decided to be a participant in my recovery!
Most importantly – I have accepted that God has a plan for me. I went to church throughout childhood and most of my teen years. I had my lapse as some people do when they are young adults. But when I was 24, I began attending church very regularly and very seriously. I needed to be forgiven for things I did during those “LAPSED YEARS”. I really didn’t wanna accept that Jesus died to forgive me because I didn’t wanna forgive me. If you are Bi Polar you know that the disease can lead you to do a lot of things you wouldn’t normally do if you were medicated. (I’m sure I’ll share some of those things at another time.) Anyway, after I became medicated, I realized (over time) I was worthy of forgiveness and I need to work that plan that God has for me. I think this Blog is part of that plan. Even if it only touches one person….